I can’t imagine a worse feeling than watching the person you love stop loving you. It’s like someone is digging into your chest and taking you apart. You are helpless and afraid. You feel that there is nothing under your control that you have done your best, but it was still not good enough.
You would have done anything for her, loved her harder than anyone else could ever do, but still they did not choose you. You’ve lost the one person you thought you could count on, the one who knows you more than anyone else, the one who meant the world, and more.
All you wanted was for them to stay, to love you as much as you loved them. But no matter what you did, you’re still too short. You have to leave your destructive relationships. You have to reduce the dead weight. Even if they took care of that, the amount did not come close to the amount you contributed, and it would not change that fast.
Maybe they loved you with their hearts, but they could not love you with their actions. They exploited your love, your support, and your sacrifices. They were not reliable. Do you really want that in a partner? In someone with whom you would spend your time eating all of the meals you share a bed with, going home?
What happens if you can’t pay your bills? Or when an emergency occurs? Or when you grieve and are at your lowest and most heartbroken level? Would he be the one who stays beside you or leaves you alone? You may not realize it yet, but you are avoiding a massive ball.
It’s not romantic to yearn for someone who does not love you the way you deserve. It is not romantic to devote to someone who does not treat you with respect or patience. It’s not romantic to get hurt like that.
They are selfish and rude and you do not need their cold in your life. The battles you have now will be the battles you have on your way. And do you really need all those pain and fears in the repetition?
You grow with every relationship and learn from every mistake. You learn what you need on a partner, and the red flags that you need to avoid immediately. You learn to leave when it’s time.
There are, to be honest, times in a healthy relationship in which one person contributes a little less than the other. Nobody ever checks out completely. In the course of a lifetime, one of you will have less and less to give, but eventually the other happily takes on that role.
In a relationship, you can never give one and the other. The magic of love is in balance. What you get out of a relationship is very personal. It varies greatly depending on the circumstances and situation. It could be recognition, love, emotional support or an emotionally safe space, help in the household or even money and anything, but it has to be something of value to you.
The problem is, it sometimes sneaks up on you. You think that a relationship works in equilibrium, and then one day you look in the mirror and realize that you are lost. Maybe you noticed that you give more than you get back. Maybe you do not have that. Sometimes, by giving, you are so distracted that you do not realize you are being left out until the relationship is either over or about to happen.
When you turn around in your own head, how much you do for them or how often you are there to hold things together or pick up the pieces, it’s not love. If you fight against the ever-pressing drumbeat of resentment and irritation, it is not love. If you are tired, physically, emotionally and mentally even then it is not love…
Please go away. It hurts, but if you keep coming back, it will not end. Staying with them or yearning for them will only lead you to a slippery slope. What you do is voluntarily drink poison. And although poison can be a thirst-quenching agent, if that’s all you’ve ever drunk, that’s not going to make it water.
Never think for revenge. You complete that by leaving it. They will regret losing you, because they will never meet another person who has loved them so unconditionally, and who so kindly overlooked all the shit they did in the relationship.
All these efforts you have made to make the relationship work will burn when you are gone. They will always miss you, but it will be too late. You will have continued your life. Well, be the bigger person, the highest individual you are. Live your best life and everything will be fine. Leave and let live.