There comes a time in a parent’s life where they have to become teenagers again. By this, I mean they have to try and get down and dirty, without the sleeping bodies in the house noticing. When you’re in your teenage years, it’s trying to stay quiet while your parents sleep next door, when you’re a parent, it’s trying to keep it down while your baby sleeps next door. The result is always the same: the bed creaks uncontrollably and you end up in a new position that doesn’t even exist in the kama sutra in order to keep the noise down, but inevitably someone hears.
However, while someone hearing is bad enough, someone walking in is even worse. Unfortunately this is exactly what happened to one “mommy blogger”, Emma Harris. Harris, who hails from Ireland and is a mum of two, says she was recently trying to get it on with her husband when one of her kids walked in. She took to Facebook to tell her story and the post has since gone viral.
Beginning the post saying, “There’s an inevitable moment in every parents life when your children catch a glimpse of something you’d much rather they didn’t,” Harris goes into great detail about what went on that night.
Emma say’s that she had drank “two full beers that night and Joe [her husband] had emptied the dishwasher without having to be asked. I knew right then and there it was game on. Pants. Off!” Ooh la la.
But, as you all well know, thing didn’t exactly go to plan for the couple, as Harris explains (it’s a pretty lengthy story, but well worth it).
We shipped the kids to bed as quick as lightening and the very moment they slipped into a slumber, Mission slipping into other things commences for us as we hopped on straight down to sexy town.
Things were getting heated.
We were just getting to the bit of the act about half way through where you actually consider going professional and you wonder why you ain’t teaching these kinda moves on some sort of intense weekend course for beginners.
We’ve all been there, don’t lie.
Ye know, your about 2 mins in and all of a sudden bitches be thinking they some sort of Christian and Anastasia yoga instructors.
It was getting hotter then Satan’s ball sack and I was trying to hold in the noises .
There was nails digging and hair pulling and and headboards knocking and we were JUST about to be reminded whyyyyyyyyy the HELL I ever put up with this bollox leaving his crap all over the house when suddenly,
Harris continues, making the experience sound like one of the most traumatic things anyone can go through.
My panic sweat glands jump into emergency mode busting open like a military operation and my vagina zips itself up to my back immediately before I’ve even had a chance to turn my head.
I look up to see a moving smudge of colour in a ‘my little pony’ night gown rubbing its eyes and whinging.
I pray to the baby Jesus that we have a poltergeist and I also pray it’s legally blind.
My vision is blurred with both the sheer fright and with truth tears over fears of who I’ll find behind the blur of doom.
I knew the answer.
In that same split second I hear a small girl scream. It’s Joe, it was the noise accompanied by him leaping off me higher than a kangaroo hurdler while very nearly giving himself a home circumcision from the ceiling fan in the process.
I watched him, almost in slow motion fly through the air in panic, the anaconda swerving all over the place threatening to strangle me to death in the act.
Seriously, the thing nearly slapped me in the face and blackened the eyes off me on it’s jump up there.
I sit up in a rush, my arse is still lingering up at my throat where it jumped and hid at the first “m” of “mammy”. My hair is looking like I’ve just had the misfortune of science project exploding in my face. Joe is huddled in the corner of the room under a white duvet, rocking back and forth like he’s going through an exorcism all the while muttering pleads to Jesus under his breathe that this isn’t happening.
After another few blinks my vision becomes clear and I see.
It’s Frankie , my poor poor misfortunate child.
She’s standing at the side of our bed.
For how long?
Who fucking knowsssss!!!
She’s rubbing her eyes and momentarily I consider the fact that she may actually be trying to scratch them out.
She tells me she’s lost her soother in her bed and she needs me to look for it.
Harris goes on to say that she’s not sure her child actually “saw anything at all” but that her and Joe were so traumatized by the incident that they will finish their “Trauma Counselling sometime in the year 2045”.
Poor Emma, all she wanted was to have some fun with her husband but her child stopped it. However, it’s not all bad news for parents; why not check out these parents who got revenge on their kids by savagely responding to them on Facebook.
Source : viralthread.com/mum-goes-viral-with-hilariously-awkward-story-of-her-kid-walking-in-on-her