Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealised self image and attributes. This includes self-flattery, perfectionism, and arrogance. The term originated from Greek mythology, where the young Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.
Anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist or other manipulative, toxic person knows exactly how to use the language differently.
The phrases that most people use in everyday conversation have a very different meaning in the context of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. If you are in a relationship with a person who lacks empathy and who has a sadistic need to expose other people, then your conversations become problematic and they are psychologically terrorizing you. To decode the language of a narcissist you have to pay more attention to your actions than just listening to his words.
When the words of a narcissist are translated into their true meaning, the results are quite disturbing. This is followed by twelve common phrases that narcissists often use and what they actually mean:
I love you
Meaning: I love to own you. I love to control you. I love to use you. It feels so good to love you, to shower you with love, to pamper you and humiliate you whenever I want. When I flatter you, I know perfectly well that I can have everything I want, because you trust me fully. You open yourself so easily to me, even if you have already been mistreated. Once you fall in love with me, I will do anything to see you suffer. That’s the way I am!
I’m sorry that you feel the way you feel
Meaning: better said, I’m not sorry at all. Let’s finally put this dispute behind us so that I can continue my abusive behavior in peace and quiet. I’m not sorry about what I did, but I’m sorry I got caught. I’m sorry you thought you could count on me. I am sorry that your emotions are so strong. Because to me, your feelings are not important because I have the right to get everything I want, no matter how you think about it.
You are too sensitive
Meaning: You react normally to my bad behavior, but all I see is that you get angry for no reason. Let me give you a little more gas so that you question yourself. In order to get your interest in me, I have to emotionally refute you. For as long as you do not trust yourself, you will work harder to rationalize, minimize, and deny my abuse. And while you fight so hard to fulfill my desires, I simply exploit this situation without any consequences for my behavior.
You are totally crazy
Meaning: I am a master in creating chaos to provoke you. Because I love it when you react. In this way, I can say to you clearly and clearly in the face that you are totally crazy. After all, nobody would listen to what you say about me when they think you have mental health problems. Forget the fact that I am the one who is really angry and irrational and destroys everything that threatens my sense of superiority.
My ex-girlfriends are crazy
Meaning: I drove my ex mad and it was so much fun! All I had to do was provoke and provoke her until I got a nasty reaction from her. When I finally got what I wanted, I used that reaction against her to show everyone how crazy and confused she is. And soon you will also be the “crazy ex”.
She’s just a good friend
Meaning: I keep this person as a substitute, in case it gets boring with you in the relationship. It can replace you anytime you leave me. Maybe she is already an important person in my life. If it only occurs to you that you are complaining about my flirtation with this person, I will make it look as if you want to be in control of everything. And that makes you look crazy too!
You are so jealous and insecure
Meaning: God, these love issues are really fun. I love how you fight for my attention. I feel so desirable and powerful when I flirt with other women before you. Because that makes you angry. It’s especially interesting to see how insecurities unfold inside you, pointing out deficiencies that do not exist or how I hurt your wounds that already exist.
The weaker you feel, the less likely you will be to try to get away from me. The truth is that everything you think about my flirtations and affairs corresponds to reality. But I do not feel like having to keep reminding you that I have the right to everything in life.
You have big trust problems
Meaning: I am an unreliable person, as I have repeatedly shown by betraying you. Your gut feeling is right, but I’ll never admit that. The best thing you could do is trust yourself and go the other way, but of course that would not be fun at all.
It’s not all about you
Meaning: The world is only about me! If you ever try to get your attention back to your own needs, then I will show you that I’m more important than you. I’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having those needs you have it, because I will never be able to fulfill it. I simply do not have and do not have the emotional capacity to do so, because it focuses on the person who really matters. And by me!
Why can not we stay friends?
Meaning: I really do not like losing members of my personal harem. I would prefer to keep you close to me in case I may exploit you in the future. In addition, the “collecting” of ex-girlfriends is a hobby of mine. It’s so convenient to be able to always report to the ex when I feel particularly bored. Who would have thought that friendship could be such a good way to prevent losing valuable sources of supply so easily?
No one believes you
Meaning: I have isolated you from your loved one so far that you feel that you no longer have any support. I have told people so many lies and bad things about you that they are already suspicious. That’s why some people will not believe you. Especially those who still consider me an amazing and kind person.
But there is another group of people who will believe you and that’s why I can not risk being caught. To protect my reputation, I have to make sure that you feel alienated and alone. This is the best way to silence you and never tell the truth about who I really am and what I really did to you.
You will never find someone like me
Meaning: If you never find someone like me again, that’s a good thing. There are empathic people out there who could treat you much better than I ever did. But I would never want you to find them or discover your true value. Because I like it a lot better, if you continue to run after me.