When you are in a toxic relationship, you usually do not understand how much the emotional abuse affects you. A toxic relationship is somehow addictive. It is the knowledge and ignorance of what will happen. It is the hope that everything will change, but also the comfort in things that are always the same. It is soothing and easier if someone knows you so well.
And it requires everything out of you so you do not go away. And even if you go away, you come back so often because you miss him. You miss the adrenaline rush of high intensity emotions from loving to screaming to reconciliation.
But then you meet a good guy.
And when that happens, you realize that this relationship has had a negative impact on you in the past. But even so, sometimes you even push people away. You’re not used to being treated so well that you almost reject it.
You will expect the worst
After a toxic relationship, you do not trust anyone anymore. Not even yourself. You wonder how you tolerated such a relationship for so long. You expect the worst from someone in every relationship. You even think that there are no good guys anymore. Because you’ve been looking for the wrong qualities for so long and have accepted many of those people who did not deserve you.
You think everything over
You think everyone has wrong intentions or does not mean what he says. If you’ve been lying so often in lies, you’ll be damned paranoid. You do not believe people can be honest or mean what they say. You’re making crazy guesses, and you doubt really good people, just for a single person.
You will think he is too good to be true
Someone who treats you really well must be too good to be true. You expect the other shoe to fall. You expect him to lose him someday. You expect an abrupt end without completion. But he proves to you every day that he is the same person he was from the beginning. He has given you no reason to question him, but it is not him that you do not trust – it’s the people from your past.
You will push him away
Someone from the past made you believe that you did not deserve the best. If you get it then you refuse it. You fear something good because you do not want to lose it. You do not want to get hurt again, so you try to ruin it right away. But the special thing about this guy is that he will chase you when you run away. If you push him, he will hold you and not let you go.
You expect quarrels
You are waiting for a fight. But instead everything is talked out and explained. Then there is this wave of comfort and you notice that normal people do not just retreat when something goes wrong.
You will apologize
He’ll wonder why you apologize so often or why you apologize. He will see the pain in your eyes from someone from the past who has made you question yourself. He will see the pain in your heart as you try to love hard again, even though you only know heartbreak. And he will always assure you that everything is alright.
If a good guy loves a woman who is broken and knows only poisonous relationships, he teaches her that she did not deserve what she got. He redefines these awful standards she has and he chooses to be the exception.
Is he better off without you?
You think he’s better off without you, but the truth is that he’s made your life better and that it’s both ways. I know that you are afraid of love. I know you’re scared of letting someone so close. But your sensitivity, sympathy, strength, understanding and lack of judgment in each is what makes you beautiful.
In the past, you could love someone who was totally unwelcome and unbearable. You have seen the good in them. You gave them too many chances. You never betrayed her. And now it’s your turn. This new relationship is not what you are used to, but it is exactly what you deserve.
And when you finally make yourself comfortable and accept that relationship, you will love that person with everything you have in you. But do not give too much energy. Do not think that you have to. In the past, you have been taught that your best is not good enough. So you had to work too hard. You had to assert yourself. You had to prove yourself.
What you should have learned is that your best was good enough and he did not deserve it.
You trust him
There will be a moment where you will tell this guy everything that happened. A moment in which you trust him and keep him so close. When you tell him about your past and the people who hurt you, you will find that he will not leave you. It will only give him a reason to stay.
I know someone in your past has taught you that love is hard. They have taught you that vulnerability is a weakness. You had to be strong for so long and endure many things you did not deserve. But all that has made you more beautiful than you think. And all of this will make the right person appreciate you for overcoming everything.
And with tears in your eyes, you’ll even be grateful for the poisonous relationship that did not destroy you, but made you the strong man you are today.
You learn real love
You begin to realize that the relationship that used to define your standard of love was so far from reality. You learn that love should not hurt or humiliate you. Love should not break your heart just to rebuild yourself. Love has nothing to do with jealousy. The right love does not play games with your heart and does not want to see you suffer.
You realize that all this was not love, but control. You rebuild yourself and love fearless again, only this time you do it right. The right love heals you and that’s exactly what this guy did.