Anger and fear exist in every human being, in varying degrees, either on the surface where everyone can see it, or at deeper layers of the consciousness, from where it comes up, when triggered by people or external events of daily life. Fear and anger are actually the same energy, but with opposite polarities. You could say that they are both ends of the same energy spectrum. Fear and anger often co-exist, and many a times, one is used, to hide the other. Anger arises from fear, and fear arises from anger.
Anger and fear have the same energy but opposite in polarity, like the negative and positive poles of a magnet, they are constantly seeking and attracting each other. Fear is looking for anger, and anger is looking for fear. Most partnerships or marriages happen between two people, one who is having fear and the other is having anger. You just have to look around or scan the marriages or partnerships that you know, and you will often see this pattern, of one angry and one fearful person, coming together in life.
Whenever the two confront, the person with fear is triggered, feels hurt and insulted, feels disrespected, belittled and demeaned by the angry person. The angry person, in turn, is always irritated, angry, frustrated, and feels that the person with fear is dragging and pulling the flow of life back. The angry person feels the one with fear is stupid, has no courage, and keeps pushing that person. The angry person feels, and can often see the potential of the person with fear, and can also see the potential growth and success being blocked by his own fears.
Most marriages / partnerships survive because these two emotions eventually balance each other. The partner need not be a spouse and this sort of bond could exist between parent and child, or even best friends. Since the two polarities balance each other, life goes on, with frequent flare ups and conflicts, for such people.
When both partners are filled with fear, conflict is minimal or rare, but so is growth, abundance and progress. The whole relationship is cold and feeble, and very rarely do this couple achieve great success, or follow their dreams. Their own fears keep them in the category of low achievers or low performers. If both partners are angry types, the relationship is filled with too many arguments and conflicts, and often does not survive long. If it does survive, for any reason, it’s filled with suffering and misery.
The fearful and angry energies in life come together to balance each other, to understand each other and themselves, to see the wounds and emotions that they carry inside us, and also to heal each other. Every time the angry person shouts and triggers the scared person, the latter can take it as an opportunity to see why he is getting triggered by the shouting, what aspect of himself or herself is raw and wounded, and what he can do to heal it. The angry person, with every episode of anger, also gets a chance to introspect, and follow the thread of his anger, and see where it is arising from. Both these people have not come together by coincidence. They have attracted each other, with an intention to understand, know and heal themselves and the other.
The angry person’s, who is usually also aggressive, needs to learn how to relax, be calm and take steps back many times, accept and agree. The fearful person needs to become more assertive, stronger, put up better boundaries, become courageous and needs to learn to take steps forward many times.
By taking steps in the direction opposite to their natural behaviour, they can understand and heal themselves, and can also maintain the balance of the bond. However, without awareness, both people often continue with their respective behaviours, often lifelong. Neither realise why the other is behaving in this fashion. They rarely take responsibility for their emotions, and rarely realise that the other is only a mirror, come to show them their issues, to bring to light what is hidden deep in their sub consciousness and to transform it.
If one person becomes aware, the situation becomes difficult, because the other cannot understand the sudden change in his or her partner. It unnerves him more, and he tries desperately to establish the earlier status quo. Eventually, if one person evolves and raises his vibrations, the other has two choices – to himself transform and raise his vibrations and continue with the partnership or to remain where he is, and watch the partnership or marriage become weaker and often, meaningless and without any spark or fire.
Awareness is the key, and once this key is obtained, everything else will fall into place. Depending on which you are – angry or fearful – sit down, think, see where all your emotions are coming from, talk, discuss, communicate, be bold, and try to heal and transform yourself, and your partner. Every soul comes to earth to learn, to heal, to evolve and to transform. That is eventually the purpose of every birth, on earth.