A Letter to the Man I Never Owned

Dear ” man of my life”,

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I am writing this letter to you because I have given you my heart. I just want you to know what I went through when we were together. Oh wait, “being together” is badly described. When I thought we were together … definitely fits better.

Anyway, I have to tell you all so that the same thing doesn’t happen to another woman. I don’t want anyone to feel the pain I had to feel. I don’t even wish that to my worst enemy.

I always thought we were getting old together. I thought you were the man of my dreams. You were the fresh air I breathed in, the rainbow after the storm. You were there for me, but I didn’t look deeper into your eyes. I haven’t seen you feel the same way about me.

Going out with me and having me at your side was too good for you. In the end you only needed someone who could cook, clean and keep you company.

And that was me for you. Not your soul mate, not the love of your life. I was just someone who will be there until the right girl shows up. The catch is, I didn’t know that at the time.

I lived in ignorance and thought that the deal had already been made for both of us. I thought you would stay with me if I had problems. But you didn’t even listen to me while I was talking about her.

You were busy texting other women and you totally neglected me. You’d rather go out with the boys than stay at home with me. You could never understand my job, neither my friends nor my family.

It was all too much for you. But I was pushy. I wanted you to love me. I wanted you to take care of me. I wanted to be the woman you see in a room full of people. I wanted to be the last thing you think of when you go to bed – and the first thing you think of when you open your eyes.

I wanted you to love me as much as I love you. I was deep, mad and in love with you without limits. But you didn’t see that. Or you just pretended not to have seen anything.

I was the one who didn’t sleep for nights and cried a lot. There were too many things in our relationship that made me sad. You didn’t know about the demons in me.

And every day was a new fight – a fight for your love.

Then, on one of those lonely nights, I happened to see myself in the mirror. I was surprised. This woman in the mirror was my copy. I could see on her face that she was crying – her eyes were red, wet and swollen.

It was pale, mixed with mascara and tears. I was scared. I was afraid of what you made of me, my own reflection.

At that moment I decided to let you go. I decided to burn the bridges between the two of us. I didn’t want to be a sad girl anymore. I wanted more. I deserve more. But you couldn’t offer me that.

After all the years I haven’t had you by my side, I still want to thank you.